If you have to go to Thanksgiving dinner with your family and can’t freely speak your thoughts, feelings, growth, concerns, or be yourself and share when someone has made you feel some type of way instead of just “getting through dinner” and being fake and surface level with one another – why even go?
You can have standards. You can set boundaries. You can say NO to meaningless, negative relationships without feeling bad about it. You are an adult. You can be mature and speak about problems, share your side and listen (listen!) to the others side, express what resolution looks like to you, and then if the relationship going forward is not good for your spirit – stop pretending that it is, and part ways.
I’ve seen more “can’t wait to get away from my family” – “me when I’ve been around my family for 15 mins” – “let’s hope I don’t speak my mind today” – “wonder who is going to be mad at me after dinner” – posts today while scrolling through my news feed on Facebook for 20 seconds than I have of people actually enjoying the presence of those THEY CHOOSE to spend (waste) (freely giveaway) their time to.
I have spent holidays with logans family (some more, some less) than I have with my own father who lives 5 minutes away. He didn’t even call me and ask about Thanksgiving until two days ago and then stated that he knew I wouldn’t be able to make it. Um, you’re right – BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TWO DAYS BEFORE HAND. Like seriously if that makes you feel better, cool. You called me. Job well done.
And ya know what, I’m okay with spending yet another holiday with my husband’s family instead of with my father because I also spend time with them aside from holidays! They call me. They don’t get “caught up on my life through the grapevine (my sister)” like he told me two days ago that he does. They talk to me. They actually care. They like to be around me and my children. We aren’t an inconvenience or task to them.
I’ve had boundaries set for a few years now. I don’t share more than I want to or think anyone deserves to know based off of my relationship with them. I have CHOSEN to not leave my heart unguarded and continue to allow it to be misinterpreted and uncared for. I’ve expressed what upsets me and what is important to me and how I just want to have a real relationship; I WANT TO KNOW YOU AND YOU TRULY KNOW ME – and love me because of it.
Unfortunately, (not so unfortunate now) I’ve made change after change, improvement after improvement, forgave and forgave, cried and cried, forgave again, tried again, and have been able to accept humility as the beautiful, necessary, internal life-changing thing that it is but yet the response I get is “we keep praying the Holy Spirit work it out” “we knew the Holy Spirit was going to work it out in you” but never ones own self awerness or acknowledgment of areas of approvement (that were actually followed up with any desire to change).
Once I truly started to know who I was in Christ our Savior, my never-ending need for them to validate me as a human being started to disappear. And when that approval from them disappeared, my true identity and security started appearing!
The drama in my life – gone! The negativity in my life – gone! The joy in my life – real! The people in my life – real! The positivity in my life – real! My “ability to give tank” to those that I love and care for – full and overflowing! My feelings of abandonment – decreasing more and more every minute, hour, and day! Thank you, FATHER!
It’s time to choose, you guys. For real. Are you going to choose to be the phony person you are trying so hard to tame your tongue from at Thanksgiving dinner? Or are you going to be the person you judge others for NOT being – but yet, you yourself aren’t even that person because you’re still having surface level, phony relationships with them?
The choice is yours, Brother and sister.
For me, the repeated offenses against my heart and my family were FINALLY enough for me to admit that I wasn’t as special to them as they were to me and that very fact is actually okay. It’s really okay. 😌
But peace out! 💃 I’ve got moves to make. And just because they don’t involve you doesnt mean it’s a bad thing, you’ve just fulfilled your purpose (as of now) in my life and mine in yours.
And I’m so thankful I can finally admit AND accept that. 💪🏼🙌🏼😎
Stay stagnant, my friends, or make the decision to keep your spirit moving and flowing.
Make amends, forgive, and keep on keeping on with your new self, New joy, and new future. Your spouse and children will thank you for it; and you’ll thank yourself, too, right after thanking the Lord.
Bravery and humility look good on you! 💜
#thechoiceisyours #youchooseyourcompany #dontmakethedecisionalone #seekHiscounsel